THE LIST OF 7 PLAYERS THAT REAL MADRID WANT TO SIGN TO REPLACE RONALDO AND BALE

1. Target makes vague expression of interest

Even if the player in question does not realise that he is issuing a 'come-and-get-me' plea, the merest hint that he might at one point consider leaving his beloved club is enough to get Real sniffing blood. In this case, Harry Kane's innocuous admission that "you never rule anything out" when it comes to transfers earlier this month will have been enough.

2. Story appears in partisan Spanish media

Almost a decade since Sir Alex Ferguson described Marca newspaper as a "vehicle to unsettle players" whom Real Madrid are keen to sign, the formula is just as evident today. All Real transfers begin with stories appearing in the Madrid-based media linking a high-profile player with a move to the club. Sources (embedded in the club) remain 

3. Manager offers non-committal praise

From Bernd Schuster to Jose Mourinho and Zinedine Zidane, the response of a Real Madrid manager remains the same when asked about those media reports. Offer a glowing report of the player in question and deliver something suitably non-committal that piques the interest of the target, but does not land the club in trouble.

. Real president stokes fires with public comment

Once the story has been regurgitated a suitable amount worldwide, it is time for the man pulling the purse strings to give his opinion. Again, the club must be careful not to upset the apple cart, but the story needs to progress from the manager's previous comments. Expect mention of Real Madrid's global standing, their longstanding admiration for the player and the word's "perfect fit".

5. Selling club reluctantly accept eye-watering transfer

Things are getting really serious when the first bid goes in - usually around 20 per cent lower than the figure everyone covertly knows will ultimately secure the player's services. It is then a case of playing the waiting game, and counting down the hours until Real Madrid get really twitchy and offer £250million in cash, Karim Benzema and the use of Gareth Bale on alternate Sundays.

6. Player poses awkwardly for medical

Once the player in question has inevitably bowed to the lure of the biggest club in the world and an astronomical fee has been agreed, he flies (via private jet, of course) to Madrid for a medical. The results of said medical are announced to the world alongside an identikit photo of the player lying on a physio bed with multiple blue electrode pads attached to their torso.

7. Player is unveiled via solo kick-up performance

The deal is done and it is time for the player to introduce themselves to the Madrid faithful. Away from the sterile environment of a press conference, the only proper way this can be done is via a solo kick-up performance inside a fan-filled Bernabeu. This can be make or break, with Theo Hernandez crumbling under the pressure this summer and achieving a grand total of six kick-ups before giving up